| What a cute smile! |
| We don't know if it's staged, it likely is, but either way....It's funny! |
Hammer: Originally employed as a weapon of war,
the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining
rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the
object we are trying to hit.
Mechanic's Knife: Used to open and slice
through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered
to your front door; works particularly well on boxes
containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.
Electric Hand Drill: Normally used for spinning
steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old
age, but it also works great for drilling rollbar
mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just above
the brake line that goes to the rear axle.
Hacksaw: One of a family of cutting tools built on
the Ouija board principle. It transforms human
energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and
the more you attempt to influence its course, the
more dismal your future becomes.
Vise-Grips: Used to round off bolt heads. If
nothing else is available, they can also be used to
transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your
hand.
Oxyacetelene Torch: Used almost entirely for
lighting those stale garage cigarettes you keep
hidden in the back of the Whitworth socket drawer
(What wife would think to look in there?) because
you can never remember to buy lighter fluid for the
Zippo lighter you got from the PX at Fort Campbell
Zippo Lighter: See oxyacetelene torch.
Whitworth Sockets: Once used for working on
older British cars and motorcycles, they are now
used mainly for hiding six-month old Salems from
the sort of person who would throw them away for no
good reason.
Drill Press: A tall upright machine useful for
suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your
hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings
your beer across the room, splattering it against the
Rolling Stones poster over the bench grinder.
Wire Wheel: Cleans rust off old bolts and then
throws them somewhere under the workbench with
the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls
and hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time
it takes you to say, "Django Reinhardt".
Hydraulic Floor Jack: Used for lowering a
Mustang to the ground after you have installed a set
of Ford Motorsports lowered road springs, trappng
the jack handle firmly under the front air dam.
Eight-Foot Long Douglas Fir 2X4: Used for
levering a car upward off a hydraulic jack.
Tweezers: A tool for removing wood splinters.
Phone: Tool for calling your neighbor Chris to see
if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
Snap-On Gasket Scraper: Theoretically useful
as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used
mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor: A tool that
snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than
any known drill bit.
Timing Light: A stroboscopic instrument for
illuminating grease buildup on crankshaft pulleys.
Two-Ton Hydraulic Engine Hoist: A handy tool
for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and
hydraulic clutch lines you may have forgotten to
disconnect.
Craftsman 1/2 x 16-inch Screwdriver: A
large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has
an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end
without the handle.
Battery Electrolyte Tester: A handy tool for
transferring sulfuric acid from car battery to the
inside of your toolbox after determining that your
battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
Aviation Metal Snips: See Hacksaw.
Trouble Light: The mechanic's own tanning
booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good
source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is
not otherwise found under cars at night. Health
benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume
40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that
105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say,
the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More
often dark than light, its name is somewhat
misleading.
Phillips Screwdriver: Normally used to stab the
lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil
on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies,
to round off Phillips screw heads.
Air Compressor: A machine that takes energy
produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles
away and transforms it into compressed air that
travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact
wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts last
tightened 40 years ago by someone in Abingdon,
Oxfordshire, and rounds them off.
Grease Gun: A messy tool for checking to see if
your zerk fittings are still plugged with rust.
the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining
rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the
object we are trying to hit.
Mechanic's Knife: Used to open and slice
through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered
to your front door; works particularly well on boxes
containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.
Electric Hand Drill: Normally used for spinning
steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old
age, but it also works great for drilling rollbar
mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just above
the brake line that goes to the rear axle.
Hacksaw: One of a family of cutting tools built on
the Ouija board principle. It transforms human
energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and
the more you attempt to influence its course, the
more dismal your future becomes.
Vise-Grips: Used to round off bolt heads. If
nothing else is available, they can also be used to
transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your
hand.
Oxyacetelene Torch: Used almost entirely for
lighting those stale garage cigarettes you keep
hidden in the back of the Whitworth socket drawer
(What wife would think to look in there?) because
you can never remember to buy lighter fluid for the
Zippo lighter you got from the PX at Fort Campbell
Zippo Lighter: See oxyacetelene torch.
Whitworth Sockets: Once used for working on
older British cars and motorcycles, they are now
used mainly for hiding six-month old Salems from
the sort of person who would throw them away for no
good reason.
Drill Press: A tall upright machine useful for
suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your
hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings
your beer across the room, splattering it against the
Rolling Stones poster over the bench grinder.
Wire Wheel: Cleans rust off old bolts and then
throws them somewhere under the workbench with
the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls
and hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time
it takes you to say, "Django Reinhardt".
Hydraulic Floor Jack: Used for lowering a
Mustang to the ground after you have installed a set
of Ford Motorsports lowered road springs, trappng
the jack handle firmly under the front air dam.
Eight-Foot Long Douglas Fir 2X4: Used for
levering a car upward off a hydraulic jack.
Tweezers: A tool for removing wood splinters.
Phone: Tool for calling your neighbor Chris to see
if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
Snap-On Gasket Scraper: Theoretically useful
as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used
mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor: A tool that
snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than
any known drill bit.
Timing Light: A stroboscopic instrument for
illuminating grease buildup on crankshaft pulleys.
Two-Ton Hydraulic Engine Hoist: A handy tool
for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and
hydraulic clutch lines you may have forgotten to
disconnect.
Craftsman 1/2 x 16-inch Screwdriver: A
large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has
an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end
without the handle.
Battery Electrolyte Tester: A handy tool for
transferring sulfuric acid from car battery to the
inside of your toolbox after determining that your
battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
Aviation Metal Snips: See Hacksaw.
Trouble Light: The mechanic's own tanning
booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good
source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is
not otherwise found under cars at night. Health
benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume
40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that
105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say,
the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More
often dark than light, its name is somewhat
misleading.
Phillips Screwdriver: Normally used to stab the
lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil
on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies,
to round off Phillips screw heads.
Air Compressor: A machine that takes energy
produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles
away and transforms it into compressed air that
travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact
wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts last
tightened 40 years ago by someone in Abingdon,
Oxfordshire, and rounds them off.
Grease Gun: A messy tool for checking to see if
your zerk fittings are still plugged with rust.
| Click on the photo above to watch this truck hit a barrier at 50 MPH |
| Click here to see a video that shows the real power of a DeWalt drill |
AUDI
----
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
BMW
----
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Break My Window
Brutal Money Waster
BUICK
-----
Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
CHEVROLET
---------
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck
Every Time
DODGE
-----
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
FIAT
----
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix it again, Tony!
FORD
----
Flip over read directions
F***** over rebuilt dodge
First on Race Day!!!
backwards -- Driver Returns On Foot
First On Recall Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fault Of R&D
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Features O.J. and Ron's DNA
GM
---
General Maintenance
GMC
---
Garage Man's Companion
Gotta Mechanic Coming?
HONDA
-----
Had One Never Did Again
HYUNDAI
-------
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And
Inexpensive...
MAZDA
-----
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
OLDSMOBILE
----------
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind
Infuriatingly Late
Everyday
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's
Irregular Leftover
Equipment
SAAB
-----
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
TOYOTA
------
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
VOLVO
-----
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
VW
---
Virtually Worthless
----
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
BMW
----
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Break My Window
Brutal Money Waster
BUICK
-----
Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
CHEVROLET
---------
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck
Every Time
DODGE
-----
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
FIAT
----
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix it again, Tony!
FORD
----
Flip over read directions
F***** over rebuilt dodge
First on Race Day!!!
backwards -- Driver Returns On Foot
First On Recall Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fault Of R&D
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Features O.J. and Ron's DNA
GM
---
General Maintenance
GMC
---
Garage Man's Companion
Gotta Mechanic Coming?
HONDA
-----
Had One Never Did Again
HYUNDAI
-------
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And
Inexpensive...
MAZDA
-----
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
OLDSMOBILE
----------
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind
Infuriatingly Late
Everyday
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's
Irregular Leftover
Equipment
SAAB
-----
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
TOYOTA
------
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
VOLVO
-----
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
VW
---
Virtually Worthless
The road to Hell has finally frozen over...
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| Need a Plumber? |
| The Humorous Side |
 | |  | |  | |  |
| Welcome to our humor page. Everything on this page has absolutely nothing to do with any agenda or meant to offend any person for any reason for any belief or whatever! Everything on this page is done strictly for the humor and thats it! We hope you get a laugh! If you have a joke or funny photo you would like to have posted, please contact us. |
| (517)676-8831 |
| I hope the sink is close by! |
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of
General Motors.
"If automotive technology had kept pace with
computer technology over the past few decades,"
boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32
instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of
10,000 miles per hour."
Bill Gates continued, "Or, you could have an
economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a
thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the
sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."
In response to all this goading, the GM chairman
replied, "Yes, but would you really want to drive a
car that crashes four times a day?"
